I discovered yesterday that I can’t lift my left arm more than a few inches. I pulled or tore something in my shoulder. I have no idea how it happened. Last night, I forced my arm over my head, and it brought tears. I also feel a tendon in my right knee “tweak” once in a while and fear that it’s going to completely snap once my lightning reflexes can’t keep up. I am turning 56 soon and the frequency of these aches, pains, and unprovoked injuries has been increasing at an alarming rate. Part of the process, I suppose. At any rate, back to the doctor I go.
I had gone for at least nine months without seeing my doctor, which is the longest stretch I’ve had in many, many years. If your closest friend is the person you share your private matters with the most, that would make my doctor my closest friend. Which makes me angry because our conversations are mostly one-sided. Not my side either. I get to hear about his workout routine, how he and his doctor wife struggle fitting in in a small, poor town, podcasts he listens to, books he reads, and so on. He gives me lots of investment advice too. Advice I can’t use. Glad he is doing so well, though.
They say “comparison is the thief of joy,” so I try to compare myself to people much worse off than me. It helps. Still, the thief creeps in sometimes. I will catch a post about someone’s exotic trip, an amazing hike, a marathon run, a great workout, a weight-loss story. I work with people my age who are marathon runners or go to CrossFit at 5 a.m. 5 days a week. My body in its current state just can’t keep up with that kind of lifestyle. It’s hard not to compare on some days. It’s all around me.
I do have exceptional willpower. Planning willpower. I plan all the time and I can plan with the best of them. Plans are forgotten in the AM, though. The brain is too busy struggling to figure out how to stay in bed longer. By the time the coffee has kicked in and the fog has lifted, it’s time for work. I am really good at sticking to a morning routine; its just not the one I plan for.
Maybe I should just be a little more positive. Maybe I should look at these exceptional people and great adventures as “inspirational”. Maybe that will give me the kick in the pants I need. Fight off aging a little longer. Yeah. Just maybe. We will see tomorrow morning.
Leave a Reply